Steel Magnolias

  ‘ I have bread-toast for dinner and even skip cooking for a day or two,” exclaimed Debonita (name changed on request), a lady journalist. Munching on ‘Jhaalmuri’ she mumbled, “I have never been this happy or satisfied, you know? I feel so good.” Being raised in a constrained environment she always longed to be independent. “Who wants to be accountable for the simplest things one does? How would you feel when no one bothers you ? ” she said while looking inside her “Murir Thonga” , a small paper bag for extra minced coconut pieces. “I don’t want to blame others for my activities and the same goes for them too”, she uttered smiling from the corner of her lips. “What are you going to do with all this freedom and independence?” are some of the most silly questions she had come across and it had been really tough coping with the social stigma initially. Although there have been times when she feels sad putting up alone in this metro, “I don’t repent living alone but yes at times there is a weird feeling that creeps in , I miss someone cooking for me.” However, circumstances have changed in these years. “I really don’t feel alone anymore, shotti ! what matters most is that I live on my own terms and conditions. Even though she feels the void when emotionally clogged, her reply to it was, “ I know what I am up to, and I do not have time to sit and regret now.”

    In her article  Alone Again,  Naturally Dominique Browning propounds that women have an easier time living alone than men. It is said in the article, that communal living is fading away as individuals have started living on their own and all by themselves. People nowadays specially the womenfolk are opting to live away their families, single and self-dependent Kolkata has seen a sudden growth in the number of individuals living alone. Definitely not out of compulsion but out of choice that the womenfolk are choosing to stay alone Independent and  self-reliant are the two keywords that best goes with them. Kolkata women have been living alone according to their terms and conditions that was once considered a sinful act or something beyond imagination.

 “The women have become more aware of their needs and they are vocal about their choices of survival,”  uttered  the lady teacher in her thirties from Kolkata, Ms.Rupa Banerjee .She belongs to an eminent cricket family from North Kolkata but currently teaches in a Government school in Asansol. A proud woman with determined objectives for life she exclaimed , “ It feels great actually since I do not feel alone at all,” looking past the line of young boys  walking towards their classroom after the recess. “I love my people and I love myself too,” She added. “I always wanted to be a teacher, you see, I never had any other options for career. That is why I started tutoring the maid’s son and young school goers for free.” It has been more than three and a half years that she has been living alone, “ Initially I used to feel weird but staying alone is the only way I could have achieved what I exactly wanted.” Teaching and catering to the society her share of responsibility is one of the most important thing she ever wanted. “Marriage is a lot of work, everyone knows that, isn’t it? Yes, I do feel the void when I am emotionally bogged, but my family and friends are just a call away !” she added giving a big grin. However she blurted out , “Going out becomes a problem you see, there is no one to open the door when you return home!” . Looking outside the large window of the classroom where the conversation was going on, she replied with a bright smile on her face, “ I am enjoying my life right now but yes I want to adopt a girl child in future. I have been preparing myself mentally and financially .Everybody is aware, how the authorities treat the single mothers nowadays?”  Her success lies with her determination to bring a change. Craving for the bright future of her students seemed more than a reverie for her than a passing dream.

 ‘One day as a tiger is better than a thousand days as a sheep,’ is what exactly twenty-six years old software professional Malini feels .For her living alone is a boon. She is a Marwari living in Kolkata. “I have no qualms of living away from everyone.” She added. “This city has given me ‘wings to fly’ and this is my  home away from home.” She keeps really busy with her office and projects and seldom gets the chance to feel emotional. “Please. I don’t want to adopt a child , it costs you ample amount of care ; you need to provide time and I have no time to spare.” Malini gushed out as the topic popped up. Being in this particular profession many women colleagues and friends are still able to manage both personal and professional lives, but she enjoys reading a book or trying out hands on gardening. However she expressed that, “I have seen many broken relationships and the added complications attached with them, and  I don’t want such headaches in my life.” The techie added “The society has never raised any issues for me, may be because am not from this city,  and my family supports me now, thank God for that.” Even though she loves attending wedding receptions and anniversary parties of her friends, the free-hearted is happy with herself. “I would always support the practice of solo dwelling; if that gives you pleasure and makes you feel good, do it.” blurted out the techie. “However, making a bowl of soup when am sick, kills me. But then I remind myself that this happens. Get up and get going.”

The evolving change in the pattern of living has been characterized by the medical fraternity. Dr. Debashis Ray, a Senior Consultant Psychiatrist from Kolkata expressed his standpoints to The Good News Chronicle(TGNC). “It is absolutely a person’s chicer whether she wants to live alone or stay together with a family; the discretion lies with the individual and this is absolutely irrespective of the societal laws.” For him the beliefs, expectation and hopes varies from one man to another. “There can be no society without emotions, hence if one individual is happy then the society automatically keeps good and this is irrespective of sex, creed and class.” The doctor added. Issues have existed in the society and they are not  new. “ It is more of a peer group influence than pressure; when you see two out of your six friends are happy living alone, one would opt for living alone, happily.” According to the Doctor, the so called conventional norms are changing. He added, “ There are many couples who does not want kids, so there is no harm in living alone for women”. “ There is no negative impact on the societal or cultural aspect , if one wants to opt for solo living.” Dr. Ray explained there is a vast difference between feeling lonely and living alone. “ Aloneness is a psychiatric disorder and there are various diagnosis for it; there is nothing bad in solo dwelling”, the Psychiatrist propounded.

Audrey Hepburn once quoted, “I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone.” Similarly some women population in Kolkata have achieved their wished and desire of solo living, if not all of them. The concept of Solo dwelling and living alone is fast growing. “It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone - so far.” is a famous quote from Marilyn Monroe, who lived alone. She proposed that blaming oneself for her own activities is better than cursing others. A person should be happy in what she or he does and if living alone and away from others offers that luxury, then why not give that a green signal.